If I've experienced this scenario enough, I might have an incentive to let go for just a moment. For just a minute and step away from my story - not to worry, if this experiment doesn't work out, my story will be waiting for me, mockingly, just how I left it - and I can try something new; a different approach - Jesus calls this willingness in A Course of Miracles. And as Jesus says, it's the only requisite to starting the Course. If I'm unwilling, at the very least I can become willing to be willing. The only thing I have to do is say "I'm not willing right now. I will be willing when I am willing - not a moment too late or too soon.”

It's great if I get to this part in my journey. I really don't give myself credit enough of the time. Simply being willing is a mile from where I started. A time ago I didn't even hear "You fail!” Now I can hear "You fail!", and I can recognize I have a story to talk about. I even can notice that I want to repeat my story and make sure I have "valid" points. More than anything, I can notice that I don't want to let go of my story - and my "valid" points.

We're all spiritual gurus. We've all already done everything. Jesus talks about we are already awake - already out of the dream- and that's so true as I sit in my body right now. The only reason that it's not my experience is because of my awareness - my noticing. The only thing I need to do now is notice. It's a beautiful process. And if I feel I've noticed enough, I can dig a little deeper into my ego thoughts, and do a little more noticing.

Take the "You fail!" thought. Now, I understand there is a story, but I'm letting it aside for just a moment to try something different. What I am going to do is look at "You fail!” I want to notice, without judging myself, what it feels like. What comes up for me when I hear "You fail!"? I feel miserable, depressed. I feel like I’m stuck, or even masochistic. Whatever is coming up for me, now is when I let it come up without judging. That means I allow myself to be miserable, without insulting myself. Very gently, I allow the feelings to come up, and I lightly guide the insults away.

Now that I'm really in a place where I feel "You fail!", and I feel what I try so hard to cover, I can let the thought be. Let the thought sit open on the table. Feel everything it has to offer, all of the sweet, sweet sadness, and let it sit. Allow It, the thought, to remain without pushing it away, and without pulling it in. I allow the feelings without insulting myself. And I begin to slowly notice things.

I notice this gentleness is a new experience. I notice I’m scared it won’t work. I notice I’m slowly seeing more things. I begin to notice that right now, I'm truer to myself than I've experienced in a long time. I might notice that what I called "sadness" becoming just a warm feeling, slowly moving out of me. I allow myself to notice the effects of pushing my thoughts; how many times do I imagine myself failing? How many times do I fail in my head before I get a chance to do it in the real world? Do I even notice I play the same pictures in my head every time I think of failure? Eventually I might notice that the failure attack is gone. And in a minute, ten minutes, or ten days the attack might come back. And I will have the chance to welcome an old friend with open arms. I wonder to myself what I might notice this time. It becomes such a joy to be a "failure", such a joy to be me. In noticing, I develop a love for myself - an unconditional love; now I love myself, and I don't stop loving myself by blocking my thoughts. I don’t stop loving myself because I *think* I’m a failure. I learn I've always wanted to be a failure, I just didn't notice.

Nobody is ever lost on their journey, and it's simply impossible to be doing it wrong. All it takes is noticing, and you will no longer need my word for it; experience it yourself. Notice ego. Notice Holy Spirit. Notice happy, sad, excited, masochistic, spontaneous, boring, emotional, perverted, angry, and delusional - just notice. After a while you might notice you are not even the noticer. You become noticed. It starts to happen through you; You are a tool of the Holy Spirit; you are the Holy Spirit. Everything happens beautifully, on its own time, at its own pace. Simply, notice it.