Those feelings, those gut feelings are so faint sometimes, it is as if somebody were trying to push you along a road with a feather. I spent three years in a recent relationship ignoring a gut feeling until it was forced to come to a head and I was on my knees asking God to show me the sign that he had already placed at the pit of my stomach long ago. I finally made the choice to end a relationship and I was so proud and exhilarated. I was “free!”

But freedom was scary. I had lurched myself out of my comfort zone. I was disoriented and confused. I had another, different feeling in my stomach that was almost too much to bear. I knew all along that this would hurt but, when it happened, wisdom seemed to find its way into the background. I knew I mustn’t confuse my fear of detachment with unhappiness but being fearful sure makes me feel unhappy.

And now it is five months later and my gut was of course right on. I think what I am learning to do is to trust my gut. It’s hard to follow the gut when you don’t actually trust it. I followed my gut in this case but my distrust of it led to all sorts of suffering. I think this was a big lesson in being able to listen to or feel those feelings; knowing the difference between thought-generated feelings and soul-generated, guided feelings. I am starting to notice that difference.

It is hard to explain but ego feelings seem more loud while those guidance feelings are almost soundless, barely there, easily unnoticed. This is why I am thankful for my meditation practice. I am more able to tune into the higher frequency vibration of my desires and destiny. I notice now that while I suffered through my detachment, I allowed the ego to take the driver's seat at times. I knew what it would do and what it wanted. I knew that it would never get what it wanted but I let myself be the puppet; sometimes as an experiment and sometimes because I felt like I was in too much pain to care.

The result was always the same and it wasn’t long before I grew tired of seeing my experiments or carelessness produce the same results.

I thank God for this lesson in listening. I learned that making a wise choice doesn’t always feel comfortable at first. However, we should treat that discomfort as any other meaningless feeling and let the ripples of our decision go out and come back in their own time, carrying with them the conviction of our choice.